Hi! It’s been awhile…..
I’m going to start writing on this blog again. It’s a place I poured my heart and soul into when I was going through a painful time in my marriage. A time when I crashed head on with no seatbelt, no airbag, 80 mph, into infidelity, shock, fear, heartbreak, a little alcoholism and a lot of therapy. I created a blog and began writing, when suddenly I found myself in a community with many women who have been through the same heartbreak, the same fears and I realized I was not alone. Women who pick each other up and say positive things to one another. Then I stopped. I became afraid that my writing would seem familiar to someone, my words and experiences would be pinpointed right back to me and somehow my kids would discover the holy hell of bullshit our lives had been, or at least how it felt to me.
They would find it and the opinion of their heroic father would be forever changed. You see….I honestly do not think my kids need to know about any of our struggles with sex addiction, marriage recovery and fidelity. If the kids had found out on their own…possibly through a text, an angry phone call….maybe even listening to me sobbing on the phone to a friend, then that would be the universe and how it was supposed to play out. But somehow they did not and I am ok with that. I am also ok with others in similar situations where their children did find out. I am ok with it because one of the greatest lessons I have learned over the past two years is this….being judgmental of other peoples lives is an asshole move. It’s chicken shit and afraid and immature. I opened my heart to the universe and it has become my safe place. When I feel negative about someone or a circumstance , I now push positive energy towards the person or the situation. I work to feel joy and content most days and yes, there will be many days whenI struggle, but I think I have found the formula that works for me. There is no one size fits all though and that is something I truly understand.
So I am no longer afraid to write about my journey. We have lots to catch up on…..