So here we are, almost two years into discovery. This is a sore point for me because somewhere in the midst of all our trauma, Music Mans dickwad male therapist, told him that the average time it takes to get over this kind of betrayal is two years. Now, when I am triggered or get upset, Music Man says OMG it’s almost been two years, when will you get past this?” To which I often say “Fuck Off.” So thank you to my husbands therapist. ASSHOLE. Anyway, I am much better than I was even 6 months ago. Somehow we managed to pull through this shit storm without letting my kids know what happened. Without leaving them any remote clue that infidelity was wreaking havoc in our lives every day.
I worked hard to keep my mouth shut, but over the years, with music mans mood swings, I had become a pro at whisper fighting. Our house is luckily very big as well.
Our post discovery fights were usually when our house was empty, but if the kids were home, I would lower my voice and whisper out all my rage. I didn’t do that to protect Music Man. I did it for my kids. Music Man had this dark secret side, but at home he was pretty regular, albeit moody. He was a master at two separate lives and managed to keep our 3 kids safe from his acting out. So I chose to not ruin the kids view and vision of their dad. I want my children to have what I had when they think of their father. My dad was stoic, kind and from what I know a faithful husband. If Music Man had done something the kids saw or read etc. that would be another story. Maybe they will figure it out later. If he falls off the wagon and I have to leave this marriage, I made it clear I’m not taking the fall.
He will have to own all of it. But for now, the kids see that dad is recently diagnosed with a mood disorder. They see how the lithium has helped him become a calmer, more pleasant man. Our family is closer than we have ever been and it feels so good!
That is enough for now.