A final move and music mans d day

We made it back to our home town and although my kids were pissed to say the least, we all eventually settled into our new routine. New friends, very beautiful new home, more job security I guess. Or maybe that was just my husbands way of acting out with his bipolar. Moving around a lot, I don’t know. But what I do know is my husbands behavior became much more peculiar after living back in our home state for awhile. He was always angry, always critical, was super freaked out about our finances. Like so much that I started to wonder if something was wrong with him. He would often call and say he wouldn’t be home for dinner….that really pissed me off if I was already cooking. It got to the point where some days he would actually come home in time for dinner and I would walk out the door and say “sorry your on your own.” There was lots of arguing, lots of fights about money, but yet music man was living an extravagant lifestyle on the company’s dime. It seemed so unfair. At some point I said screw it and went out and got my own credit card. I didnt go crazy, but did some fun stuff without his knowledge and it felt really good. Music Man was all about our budget, but he sucked at keeping track of our bills, so he never noticed the credit card payments.

In mid November 2014, we had one of our many arguments. Our fights were always early in the morning after the kids left for school. After arguing I walked out of the room and left my phone on our bed. My husband grabbed it and took at look at my text. I had just texted my friend saying “Music Man is such a dick. No wonder I had an affair.” ( a term I used loosely) but it was a word my husband held onto to give him power over me. So when I walked back into the room, he was red faced and shaking. He said “I knew it. You had an affair!!!” But there was also something theatrical in his expression. I almost felt like he was performing. I yelled back “It’s because I KNOW you are a cheater!” He screamed back “I never had an AFFAIR!!!” which in retrospect says a lot. There were lots of angry words and tears and a complete confession from me. Soonafter, my husband came to me and said “I want to forgive everything YOU DID and have us start over fresh and clean.” He was so genuine. We signed up for counseling and he was a great student. He did all the homework and read the books, but once in awhile a monster would take over him and he would berate me and bully me and shame me about the “affair” I had. Every time he did that it stirred more passion, anger and a determination in me. I was like a shark with its eyes rolled back, determined to find evidence of his cheating ways!

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